The Other Day, a friend of mine came back from the movies, taking pride in the fact that he beat the movie theater system.  Instead of paying $10 for soda and a tub of popcorn, he managed to  successfully sneak in a 2 Liter bottle of Coke, Doritos and a Pizza Hut personal pan pizza, which he hid vertically under his jacket. Of course, he got numerous grease stains and had to peel the melted cheese off the cardboard cover; But for some reason, he swelled up with pride, noting that these were marks of valor. “That’s terrible,” I said, “all to save a few bucks… what do you do when you take a girl to the movies?”  “What do you mean,” he replied brashly,  “I’d do the same thing, I’m not paying 6 bucks for a tub of popcorn!  And she’d be impressed with my cleverness, anyhow.”

So here we have the question, “What is considered a cheap date?” asks a WikiAnswers user. The above scenario is a perfect example. Here are a few others:

• Going to low end or fast food places
• not tipping
• asking your date for money
• parking blocks away so you don’t have to pay for parking
• claiming the free bread is too filling for appetizers

What is so hard to understand about treating a woman to a pampered night with a little generosity? Is it that ludicrous to spend some extra money on overpriced air filled corn if it means impressing a girl with your overwhelmingly giving nature? Choosing to let go of minute details and demonstrating an ability to please is a favorable quality! Perhaps men should look to animals for the answers.

The cichlid is a species of fish that spends a great deal of time for his woman. He not only checks out the real estate to find a suitable nest environment but then goes about building the nest himself. And, just when he’s finished- exhausted, ready to relax and have a nice meal- the female lays her eggs in the nest. The male immediately takes all the eggs into his mouth, a spawning behavior known as mouth brooding, and keeps them there until the eggs hatch. His actions speak louder than words (or bubbly gurgles). Only once the female and the eggs are safe and happy does he go forage for a meal.
Barn owls are just as great. They feed the female as part of courtship and don’t stop once she says, ‘I do.’ The male flies out each morning to find the juiciest choicest worms, small mammals and any other rich sources of protein he can find.  He then feeds the female owl during incubation.  If he’s left with the scrawny, crunchy grasshoppers he just makes do.
But what happens in nature when the male doesn’t take care of the female, When he’s just plain cheap? This can best be observed in the WA question, ”Why does the female praying mantis bite off the male’s head and eat him?”

Sexual cannibalism is the answer, my friends. This is the act where one mate eats another. In scientific studies (Birkhead et al-1988) females that have a depleted nutritional states are much more likely to devour  males than those that are well fed.  Think about it, the male praying mantis hunts and feeds on his own. When he’s ready to mate, he doesn’t share the insects he’s caught or offer some help in the hunt, so what else is the hungry female left to do but eat what’s right in front of her.

So next time you are debating offering a girl a nasty smushed pizza instead of a $7 bag of Milk Duds, just remember we might bite off your head.

You are sitting on the bus, minding your own business when suddenly the most beautiful girl  in the world walks by.   She has grace, class and even the sun seems to shine just on her- reflecting beams of light  off her angelic face (which is odd because you’re on a shaded bus and it’s raining). The perfect songs ring out of her iPod and the scent of French perfume fills the air- but all you can do is stare. You contemplate walking up to her and asking the time, But then realize she is way out of your league,  so you slouch down and look at your sneakers instead. ‘How can a poor guy from the slums win over a high class girl,’ you wonder.  Your backgrounds are so different in terms of  money, education and physical appearance that  you might as well be members of  different species! Forget about love, would it even be possible to be her friend, can animals of different species be friends?

According to many zoological accounts the answer is yes.

Let’s start with the most famous case- Koko and the kittens.   Koko,  the Gorilla, was born on July 4th 1971 in San Francisco, CA to a proud primate mom, along with a group of well learned scientists. Over the years Koko managed to master sign language and a good chunk of spoken English.  She hung out with a silverback named Michael, who scored high up on his IQ test, as well as her zoologist buddies. You’d think that such a well educated gorilla would be a tier above simple land mammals, such as the  housecat.  But no, something about  a certain kitten named ‘All Ball’ struck a chord in Koko; and as odd and improbable as it may seem, they became the best of friends. The two played, ate and even cuddled together. Koko soon became friends with  many other felines. Although she would learn and study with her trainers  each day, and although the material was too complex for her friends, she was eager to communicate with the kittens- even if that meant teaching them herself.

Next we have Owen and Mizee. A tortoise and hippo who currently reside in Haller Park in  Mombasa, Kenya.  It all started one ill fated day when the devastating 2004 Tsunami hit. Mizee the Hippo was separated from his family and left stranded on the shore. He came across a century old Tortoise named Owen, who took Mizee under his wing. The crinkled, old, Navy green tortoise showed wear and tear from the years. Mizee, the young, curvaceous, beautiful, leather-skinned hippo didn’t care. He looked into Mizee’s wrinkled eyes but all he could see was warmth.  The bond was instant! Where Owen goes, Mizee goes! They bathe in mud together, sleep by eachother’s side and even swim together- although Owen is not as amphibious or energetic as Mizee, it doesn’t seem to bother the hippo.  They look physically alien together but the two are just happy chillin on the coast as BFFs.

Last off we have Baxter and Miss Dog. A set of friends who live on a farm in the Midwest. Correction- Miss Dog, who is actually a chicken, lives on the farm in a simple wooden shed while Baxter, the Golden retriever, lives in a comfortable house, equipped with heating, clean blankets, and electrical lighting.  According to Baxter’s owner, he gives up the comforts of luxury each night to lay by the side of his chicken friend and snuggle with her by the metal heater near the coup. He might just be a dog but he understands that a warm expensive bed and a cold heart can’t compare to a cold bed warmed by the bond of his soulmate.

So, here comes the question. If gorillas, reptiles and poultry can  coexist and disregard differences in intelligence, physical beauty and wealth, why can’t we get past this as humans. No one can tell if the connection between the animals  in the previous scenarios was true love or deep friendship, but they did form a pair bond. And for animlas to do so puts their survival and genes at risk. So why can’t we do the same within our own species, when we have a lot less to lose?
It seems that our highly developed brains, the same organ that allows us complicated reasoning, also tends to cloud our judgment. Will the boy on the bus be able to put his insecurities and fears aside in order to ask out the pretty girl?
If my zoological proof isn’t good enough let’s look at a more reliable and factual source –Hollywood.
Billy Joel says Uptown girls can fall in love with backstreet guys and backstreet girls, according to the movies,  can fall in love with Richard Gere. Heck, pretty women can even fall for guys with scissorhands.   So, before the bus stops and you lose the opportunity to meet a great human girl- think of how much harder it would be to ask  a moose for coffee.