Tag Archives: humans

Just sleep on it.

Can anything compare to the feeling of laying your head down on a soft square of cotton, closing your eyes, molding your body into the depths of a mattress and letting the sweet flow of semi-consciousness set in? My answer is no. In an age where we work past dinner, chill in bars till 4 am and hit the gym at midnight – yet still rise and shine for work the next day –  how is this lack of sleep affecting us?

Well, let’s start off simple. We know sleep is a good thing.  And, when we are deprived of it, we feel lousy. This occurs for 2 simple reasons:

Physically sleep repairs your body, working the immune system at full capacity.  Mentally though, it does a whole lot more. Without adequate sleep, your judgment, mood, and ability to learn and retain information are weakened. You can become an incoherent, irritable monster.  In fact, 72 hours of no-sleep can make a man go temporarily insane.

So I guess the more sleep you get,  the more intelligent and healthy you are… Let’s examine this theory across species in the animal kingdom.  Below is a list of some typical animal sleep cycles, in order of longest to shortest sleep times per day:

  • Brown Bat (19.9 hours)
  • Giant Armadillo (18.1 hours)
  • Python (18 hours)
  • Owl Monkey (17 hours)
  • Tiger (15.8 hours)
  • Squirrel (14.9 hours)
  • Lion (13.5 hours)
  • Rat (12.6 hours)
  • Cat (12.1 hours)
  • Cheetah (12.1 hours)
  • Dolphin (10.4)
  • Chimpanzee (9.7 hours)
  • Human adult (8 hours)
  • Pig (7.8 hours)
  • Guppy Fish (7 hours)
  • Sheep (3.8 hours)
  • African Elephant (3.3 hours)
  • Horse (2.9 hours)

Pythons sleep for 18 hours, yet elephants (those memory-rich, emotional vertebrates) sleep for only 3.3 hrs. The giraffe has one of the shortest sleep requirements of any mammal (between 10 mins-2 hrs in a 24 hr period, averaging 1.9 hours per day) yet giraffes sleep 5 hours less than your  household goldfish. Based on these numbers, sleep and intelligence don’t appear to be dependent on one another.

So, why do some animals require more sleep than others?  Perhaps it’s not intelligence, just evolution.

When it comes down to sleep and survivability, a predator-prey relationship exists: Animals at the top of the food chain, such as the King of the Jungle, tend to  get longer and deeper shut eye than, say, your average vigilant  squirrel. Humans fall somewhere in between, but this doesn’t explain how we have sleep patterns most closely related to pigs, or why armadillos sleep a whole lot more than cows.

Hibernation draws the same complexities. Certain species of moth hibernate just as long as polar bears. Some toads can even hibernate  for up to four years. So this evolution thing, with animal size and the potential of being eaten, doesn’t seem to hold up either.

Perhaps it’s not who is sleeping, or how often you sleep… but where you sleep that matters?

Sloths have long been known to be the ‘nappers of the wild.’ Even their name is  a synonym for lazy.  A 2008 study, reported by BBC news, involving brown-throated, three-toed sloths, found that when in captivity (where they are safe and fed well) sloths sleep for more than 16 hours per day and live quite long lives. But the same study noted that sloths only slept for 9.6 hours in the wild. So where you sleep, and how happy you are while getting that shut-eye,  has a huge impact on the success of your sleep session.

Where can we find happy sleepers?

  • Overcrowded US high schools, where shifts are required,  report that those students who slept in and start two hours later,  consistently scored higher on exams and report cards than those poor teens who had to wake up at the crack of dawn.
  • Google has nap rooms for its employees, and based on the company’s  success and productivity, it seems to be working for them.
  • Einstein slept for 10 hours a day and he came up with the Theory of Relativity.
  • Winston Churchill and George Washington napped regularly, and accomplished some pretty cool things.

Unfortunately, humans have been getting 1.5 hours less sleep on average throughout the last 50 years… So I’m here to tell you one thing: SLEEP. Sleep hard and sleep often; that 6-8 hourrs of recommended sleep is for the birds (literally).  If you need more sleep – do it! If you need to nap – do it! If you need to make a pit stop in your car – do it!

Next time you find yourself drowsy and incoherent, don’t reach for a Starbucks, reach for an REM frappucino!  Lay your head down  on your pillow and smile. Because great things are not accomplished by stressed-out overworked sloths –  they are accomplished by people who get their sleep.

Human Tears and Fish Fears: Do Fish Feel Pain?

I was walking in the food market today, and happened to hear a fisherman yelling out the catch of the day. My curiosity piqued, I leaned over to get a good look. There, lying on trays of ice, were live fish gasping for air. Their gills were discolored from the lack of oxygen, and their shiny eyes were gazing right into mine screaming, “Help me!”

fish on ice

I must admit to you that I am not a vegan, a vegetarian, or a PETA supporter. Yet, this sight struck the very core of my soul, and spelled out animal cruelty in clear bold letters.

I yelled at the fisherman, “This is morally unacceptable! Is this even legal?  The fish are suffering; can’t you at least kill them first?” (a good knock on the head takes a microsecond). He just chuckled, “They stay fresher this way and anyway… fish don’t feel pain.”

“How do you know fish don’t feel pain?” I asked. “Are you a fish? Have you had a hook jarred in your mouth? And if you speak Fishonian then tell me, what are your fish relatives saying as their gasping mouths open and close on a fatal bed of ice!?”

“Fish don’t feel pain!” he screamed again. “Of course they do,” I screamed back as I stormed away from this obvious sadist. It is scientific fact… right?

To my surprise, the answer I found was… Not exactly. Research actually has no conclusive evidence one way or the other. It all lies in the subjective word “pain.” There’s a huge difference between pain and the perception of pain, which scientists refer to as nociception.

painful injectionFishing advocates would argue that hooking a fish is equivalent to pulling the leg off a cockroach or stepping on a nail; the body reacts physically, as a reflexive response, but no emotional damage takes place.
A great example would be that of a child getting a shot at the doctor’s office. If a child is distracted when he feels that twinge of pain on the back of his arm, he will cry only because it hurts. This is a reflexive response.

Now let’s look at a very different scenario. If the child walks into the doctor’s office and sees a needle, he may cry before he even gets the shot. What if the child got localized anesthesia and couldn’t even feel his arm? The child might still cry as he watches the doctor inject a needle into him; these are both emotional responses to pain.

So, ‘Do fish respond emotionally to pain?’ asks a WA user.
Here are a few recent studies that highlight the conflicting results:

2003 – Dr. James D. Rose (Reviews of Fisheries Science) concludes that animals need specific regions of the cerebral cortex in order to feel pain. And fish do not have them.

2005 – Norwegian study reports crustaceans (lobsters and crabs) don’t have the capacity to feel pain either. Crustaceans have about 100,000 neurons, while the simplest vertebrates have upwards of 100 billion.

May 2009 -  Dr. Joseph (Applied Animal Behaviour Science) raised the temperatures in goldfish tanks. When temperatures returned to normal the fish were stressed, and exhibited fear which affected their future behavior.fish hooks

March 2009 – Dr. Bob Elwood (Queen’s University) found that crabs not only feel pain but remember it well after the sensation has passed, affecting their future decisions.

What is the ultimate answer to the question ‘Does it hurt when you hook a fish?’

Answer – Does not hurt me one bit. As the matter of fact, I feel pretty excited when I do manage to hook a fish.

So there you have it. Since science cannot decide, it is up to each one of us, as a responsible individual, to make the call. I just hope the excited fisherman doesn’t get reincarnated into a juicy flounder.

Wiggles and Waggles – Communicating by Dance

Interpersonal communication is defined as the interactions between individuals and the interpretations of these actions. This can mean anything from the way you glance at a person to the strength of the grip you exert in a handshake. Your messages can even be determined by the tone in your voice or the amount of sweat you produce. But of all the ways to communicate, which sensory perception is the most effective?

beesAccording to Apoidae, the family commonly referred to as bees, dance seems to be the preferred form of communication. Scientifically speaking, bees have highly evolved adaptations, so this doesn’t seem to make too much sense.  First of all, bees have specialized vision that allows them to see beyond the human spectrum of light. Humans can see visible light from 380nm-750nm, while bees are able to see the spectrum from 300nm-600nm, an area of florescence 80nm wider than human capability. In addition, while we base our ‘trichromatic’ color combinations on red, blue, and green, bees base their colors on UV, blue, and green a much richer type of light.

Next, bees have one of the most complex chemical communication systems found in all of  nature, possessing 15 known glands that produce a wide range of pheromones (chemical messengers). If that wasn’t enough, bees can project an impressive sound.  A bee’s wings beat 11,400 times per minute (180 beats a second) causing that famous ‘buzz’ sound we know so well. So why do bees choose dance as a means to transmit their most important information? Based on a ‘waggle’ alone, bees divulge the precise location of their precious pollen and nectar- the sustenance of their hive.

“How do bees even learn to dance?” Asks a WA user.

Answer: A bee’s “dance” is an instinct. They are born knowing how to do it. The “dance” communicates to other bees, showing them the way to fly in order to find the flowers that the other bee has found. The queen is not the one dancing, because she is busy laying eggs. The drone bees are the ones who fly out looking for pollen, and who “dance.” The angle between the direction the “dancing” bee is facing while vibrating its abdomen and the vertical position equals the direction to the new nectar source from the hive with respect to the sun. The duration of the waggle also gives the distance. Bees are aware of the movement of the sun during the day, so can compensate for this when using it for navigation.

Now where does that leave us? Have you ever misinterpreted a stare, or felt that the pat on the back from your boss was positive or perhaps inappropriate or maybe it was demeaning? How effective is human Couple Dancingcommunication compared to a bees instinctual dancing? Is dancing more successful at conveying messages than touching or visual and auditory cues? Perhaps it would be better if we just stood in front of an audience and wiggled a bit from a distance while others interpreted what we were trying to say? (Simon Cowell seems to have a good time doing this). Well, I think we can find our answer to this question by looking to Wikianswers. “Why do people Dance?”

Answer: Dance is the only socially sanctioned physical contact between unmarried couples, the only way to interact with the opposite sex in an intimate, politically correct way.

So there you have it – Humans dance for the potential to meet love. Afterall,  Isn’t love as sweet as nectar?

How Do I Unhook This Damn Bra: Man Evolving Backwards.

As Valentine’s Day rolls around, WikiAnswers users tend to submit a surge of love questions on the site. Not so much related to romance as one would think – after all, love is abstract, subjective and at best, indefinable… The questions are more closely related to the physical acts of love – or to put it less eloquently – ‘making out’ with someone for the first time.

One of the most popular questions asked was: How do you unhook a bra? Bra-unhooking skillz have been greatly sought after for centuries. Ah, the difficulties associated with bras have stumped Nobel laureates as well as celebrities. Knights as well as nerds. Even Casanova understood the immense learning curve involved.

So many will attempt this feat and fail miserably; a feat that can make any man, however confident, become a nervous pile of JELLO.

So how is it that apes and monkeys, with less developed opposable thumbs (and many lacking prehensile abilities all together) are more capable of grooming, grasping, and engaging in mating rituals than the more ‘evolved’ bipedal hominid, known as Man?

I found the answer when I came across a question in the Animal Behavior category: Why do monkeys groom each other? The answer had to do with hygiene. Simply put, monkeys groom each other because they can’t take showers. The cleaning of ticks and mites is a survival skill. A skill that eventually developed into a loving courtship ritual. The fact that a monkey can remove a mite the size of a poppy seed from between two fine hairs while a man can’t pop open a bra strap might be a consequence of our reliance on modern technology.

The opposable thumb has helped the human species develop fine motor skills, precision and accuracy. It is also thought to have directly led to the development of tools; why smelt an iron lock to your door when you can buy one at Ace Hardware? Why carve a candlestick and fix the flint in your oil lamp when you can ‘clap on’ the lighting? Our dependence on modern gadgetry has led to the demise of our once specialized and dexterous abilities.

Man is reminded of this only in extreme moments, when his life – and ability to reproduce – are in jeopardy. So for every man who has been humbled by this timeless test of nature, I lay before you the instructions on how to unhook a bra:

How to Unhook a Bra

First you need to understand the enemy- The BRA.
The main problem is that bras are almost always similar but never exactly the same.
The second problem is the issue of being obvious; it’s difficult to smoothly transition from first to second base when you are body wrestling an undergarment. You don’t want to kiss the girl and 1 second later dive under her shirt double handed- this makes you too eager, too much of a player and unromantic…and puts your make-out session in jeopardy!

The only real way to unhook a bra is with ONE HAND (the other hand is used to softly run your fingers through her hair, caress her face ever so gently, and make her feel like your goal is to appreciate her and not get with her…
Another benefit is that this buys you time- if you experience bra-unhooking-difficulty just keep your first hand caressing her while your second hand has time to try and try again as you encounter failure…

The following are the 4 most common scenarios:

1. Back Hook Bra
Feel for the thicker piece of fabric in the back, then the metal clasps (there might be 1, 2 or 3 rows) squeeze the two ends together, increasing tension and with a quick jolt the bra should snap to one side.. and pop open

2. Front Hook Bra
These usually have a single clasp that snap up/down and then together. Feel for the clasp- squeeze the hard piece of plastic/metal so it bends outward/inward and push up/down… there are many directions the clasp can go- just be patient and try all options

3. Sports Bra
If there is no clasp in the front/back and you feel the straps cross in the back you have found yourself with a sports bra- lucky you! Pull it off like an undershirt

4. No Bra – No problem (OK, to be fair most monkeys only encounter situation 4 – yet I still wouldn’t place all my bets with Man for scenarios 1,2,3.)

With practice any man can turn into the Bill Gates of Bra-unhooking. The key is to continually adapt to the changing form of the bra – predator and prey.

For those of you with determination I wish you much luck in this endeavor.

And for the others… please read on – ‘How to unbuckle a belt…’